


Overload

by Silencewillfall97



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Other, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 01:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3958750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silencewillfall97/pseuds/Silencewillfall97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak come to Lawrence, Kansas to escape his past. Dean Winchester, a local singer, holds the key to help Castiel stop running and come to peace with himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Castiel Novak turned the car from the highway to the gas station at the end of the town.  Turning down his radio,  he drove up to the nearest pump.  Why am I here? he thought as the gas drained into the car. He fought back every tear as he thought about what made him come.  I needed to get away, he told himself.  I did the right thing.  he turned the ignition,  memories of that night drowning his thoughts. Shaking it off, Cas dialed a number into his cell before driving out of the station and onto the road.  

"Hey Gabe," the voice on the other end was excited.

"Cassie boy!"  he heard,  "Where are you?  I haven't heard from you in weeks!"

"I'm in Lawrence." There was a silence on the other line.

"What the hell,  bro?" the man on the other line started yelling,  "You could have called like a week ago to tell me you were gonna visit me.  Like seriously,  I would have answered.  I have no life. I mean I do have a life. I have got Jo but still…”

"First of all,"  Castiel interrupted, "It hasn't been that long since I called and I didn't want to warn you because,  well, I wasn't sure if I wanted to come."

Gabriel was the only family Cas had after what happened.  Cas loved him more than anything.  That's why he stayed away for so long.  He couldn't bare hurting him, not after all he had done to his family.  It took him three years to face his demons and call Gabriel. He had kept in contact for a while, even visiting him while he was in Chicago while he was in college for his baking degree.  Gabriel always had a thing for sweets.  He hadn't talked to him since he moved to Kansas.  He found a girl, Jo, who moved to Kansas to help her mom out.  Gabriel followed her because, "She is my honey to my beehive and I can never live without it." He could be disgusting at times.

He hadn't talked to his parents in more than that.  If he could even call them his parents anymore. Even thinking about them made his eyes water. He didn't want to think about them.  

"Gabe,  I'm starving," Cas said as he drove into the small town,  "Where is a good place to get a burger?"

"Head to The Roadhouse.   It is right on the highway,  can't miss it.  I'll meet you there in 15 and Cas?"

"Yes,  Gabe?"

"I missed you man. Don’t do this to me again you hear me?"

"I missed you too."  He heard a click of the receiver as he pulled into the restaurant in front of him.  He got out his Beetle, parking it where no one would notice.  Not that he was ashamed of his car, he loved her truly, he just didn't want to deal with any prejudice from any strangers. He had to deal with that wherever he went and he just wanted to take a break from it.  

 Castiel took a swig of his beer,  shuddering at the taste as it flowed down his throat.  "I really hate this shit," he thought, I don't know why I even drink it.  Cas turned around to find a shorter man come behind him.  

"Hey little brother!" the man said as he sat next to him,  "I'm glad you're here.  I have wanted to catch up with you and all. How was the drive?”

“It was fine… I guess.” Cas paused. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

"Ah,  I understand." Gabe said as he ordered a shot.  "How about this?"  Gabe said as he brought the shot to his mouth,  "You have some of this glorious liquid to take your mind of things.  Maybe later we can watch some TV at the new place,  no?

“What do you mean new place? You have been here for a least two years"  Cas said as he motioned the bartender for a shot.  He drowned it in one swallow,  letting the clear liquid burned down his throat.  

“Umm, I mean your new place, cupcake. Where you are going to be living?” Gabe said.

“And you assumed I was going to be staying here?” Cas questioned.

“Of course!” Gabe said excitingly. “I had an extra bedroom put in just in case, you know, you wanted to stay for good. I know things are hard for you and…”

“I understand, Gabe.” Cas interrupted, “I’ll stay for awhile. I don’t really have anywhere else to go anyway.”

“I figured as much.” Gabe said. “Let’s drink! I need something in my system.”

“Yeah me too.” Cas said as they clinked their glasses together in a toast.

As he took another shot,  he paused.  A voice, sultry and deep,  came from the opposite end of the room.  Cas closed his eyes, taking each melodic word the man sang.  He hadn't heard any voice like that in his years of musical experience.  The notes flowed through the room,  each sound piercing a arrow into the bull's eye of Castiel's tattered heart. Cas didn't want to open his eyes.  He took in the image that each word gave.

How could this man break into Cas like that?  Ever since that day, he never had been able to feel love. Everything he ever loved left him that day. This man made him forget everything. Cas opened his eyes as the song ended, the claps breaking the fantasy in his head.  Cas knew what he needed.  He needed this man in his life. He was like a drug that numbed all the pain in his life.  

He turned around to find the man putting down the guitar he was playing just minutes before.  This was his chance.  Cas got up from the stool, slowly making his way to the stage. Before he could do anything, Gabe touched his arm.  

"Let him come to you." Cas paused

"What are you talking about?" Cas stood straight.

"Let Dean come to you." Gabe answered calmly. "He doesn't like to be approached after he sings.  I don't really know why.  Social issue I guess." Cas turned to Gabe.

"What if I am not good enough?"

"Please,"  Gabe said, "He have everything Dean would want.  The dark hair,  blue eyes,  little bit of stubble.  You're perfect for him." So that was his name. It was a good name, independent and firm. Oh God, Castiel, get a hold of your self.

“What if, what if he finds out?”

Gabriel paused, looking straight into Castiel's bright blue eyes.  

"Cas, don’t worry about things right now. Just be yourself. You are a pretty cool guy. Remind yourself of that.  Oh look,"  Gabe motioned over and whispered, "I knew he would come. I'll meet you at the house.  I texted you the address already.  See you."

"Okay,  see you, " Cas said as he turned toward Dean.  So that was his name huh.  Cas liked it.  It was manly,  sturdy,  and strong.  Exactly what he wanted to be.  

"Hey,"  Dean said as he sat down on  the stool next to him.  Cas could feel his neck get warmer as he turned his stool toward the counter.  

"I'm Dean Winchester, " he said as he held out his hand for a handshake,  "what's yours?" Cas couldn't speak.  He was too distracted by the shining green eyes looking back at him.

"What? Cat got your tongue, angel cake?"

"Angel Cake?"  Cas said disapproving,  "really?"  

"Well you wouldn't tell me your name and I know you're related to Gabe so I just called you what I call him.  Ha I thought it was funny. "

"My name is Castiel and how do you know I am related to Gabe?" Dean paused,  

"He talks a lot about his black haired,  blue eyes little brother. Always went on about he would come one day. I used to have a part time job at his bakery shop.  Now I work for my Uncle Bobby at the autobody shop but he and I are still good friends." Cas didn’t know Gabe really missed him that much.  

"When Gabe talked about his brother,"  Dean whispered into Cas's "I didn't imagine him  to be that pretty but boy, you’re better than I thought"  Cas could feel his face burn from the blood rushing to his head.  

"Ah..."  Cas stuttered out,  not knowing what else to say.  He wasn't used to being called pretty.  Other names yes.  Awful,  degrading names but never pretty.  

"So,"  Dean said as he put his hand on Cas,  "Wanna go to my place?"  Cas froze. He knew he couldn't go yet.

"Ummmm..." Cas shook his head.  "I can't.  I have to meet my brother.  I'm sorry." Cas ran out of the restaurant, not looking back to see Dean running after him.  

"Cas wait,"  Cas stopped.  He turned around to see Dean with his hands on his knees,  panting heavily.  "God your fast,"  Dean said as he got closer.  "Did I do something wrong?"

"No,"  Cas snapped back,  "It's not you.  I..."  Cas started to feel very uncomfortable.  "How about we get to know each other first. As friends? I’ll be in town for awhile"  

"Okay man,"  Dean said as he motioned his hand out, "I'm cool with that."  Cas shook Dean's hand, feeling the cool skin on his.  

"Thank you." Cas said as he let go.    

"See you around,  Cas."  Dean said as he turned back to the Roadhouse behind him.  

Why did he have to be so fucking beautiful?  Cas thought as he walked back to his car. Cas knew better than to just fall for a man because he had a good voice.  No,  he thought,  it was more than good.  Dean was perfect.  Everything about him.  How his green eyes shone as he talked to Cas.  Every word pronounced in strong,  but stable syllables.  How his fingers, showing his hard work,  plucked softly at his guitar.

How could someone so perfect be attracted to Cas who was far from it?  Cas was broken,  ruined by others before him.  Cas turned the ignition and drove out of the parking lot,  leaving the thoughts of the perfect man behind him.

 

Dean wasn't sure what to think.  Like sure, he had been denied many a time but never by someone who obviously liked him.  He had never met someone like Cas.  He lived in a small town but still, Cas was different.  He was noticeably pretty for a man. Dean noticed him as soon as he came into the restaurant, his piercing blue eyes shining at him as Dean sang on the stage.

Dean knew who he was right away. Gabriel talked about him all the time when he used to work for him.  His little brother Castiel, the one who ran away.  So if he ran away,  Dean thought,  why did he come back? And why did he run from Dean?  That was the weirdest thing.  No one had literally run from Dean before.  Dean was a likeable guy or so he liked to think.  He tried to get the blue-eyed man out of his head but he couldn't.  

There was something about him that made Dean want him.  His ruffled black hair, his lightly tanned skin,  his perfectly kissable lips. Oh god,  Dean said as his pants got tighter. Dean uncomfortably walked to his 1967 Chevy Impala,  digging through his pockets for the keys.  I have got to see him again,  Dean thought as he drove the car away.

Dean came home to a silent house by the autobody shop. He,  along with his brother, lived here after his parents died with their adoptive Uncle Bobby.  Dean hung his coat on the rack and picked up the note left on the back of the door.  

Dean, went to see a movie with Bobby.  Be back soon.  Sam.

Well thanks for inviting me guys,  Dean thought as he made his way to his bedroom.  Dean couldn't shake the mysterious man out of his mind.  He knew what he had to do though otherwise he would start to be in a whole lot of pain.  Dean headed toward the shower,  hoping that it would help him release the tension from the evening.  God I need help,  Dean thought as he closed the bathroom door behind him.  

 

Castiel opened the door to the small apartment above his brother’s bakery. Nice little place, he thought as he closed the door behind him.

“Back so soon, Little Brother?” Gabriel said as he came out of his bedroom.

“Ah,” Cas stuttered, “It wasn’t the best of evenings.”

“Did you screw it up?” Gabe asked curiously.

“Yes,” Cas snapped back, “I screwed it up big time. I ran from the most attractive man I have seen in months, no, probably have ever seen.” Cas sighed, “He talked to me. He wanted to…”

“Oh God,” Gabe said as he sat on the couch. “Did you?”

“OF COURSE NOT.” Cas sat next to Gabe, “Don’t you think he would have been a little shocked to find...well, you know.”

“Probably not, Cas.” Gabe said without a pause, “Dean has an interesting taste.”

“And how would you know that?” Cas said sharply.

“Because we are actually pretty good friends. And I may have had a crush on his brother but…”

“Gabe really?” Cas laughed. “I thought I was the only one with the sexuality issues.”

“Hey, being bisexual isn’t an issue,” Gabe said defensively, “Besides, I really love Jo and I wouldn’t cheat on her.”

“I was just kidding around,” Cas said, “Hey, where is my bedroom? I think I am gonna call it a night.”

“It’s down the hall by the bathroom,” Gabe said as he got up. “I think I will too. Goodnight man.”

“Night,” Cas said as he headed in the direction of his room. Cas didn’t know what to think anymore. This was a crazy day and he needed to sleep it off. Maybe it would be better in the morning.

 

_Castiel ran down the road, looking back to find the man chasing him. He has behind the trash can in the alley, hoping that the men would pass by. He closed his eyes only to feel the jerk of a hand on his shoulder._  
_"Here SHE is," He was a dark skinned man with piercing eyes. He took Castiel by the collar of his coast._  
_"Didn't think I would find you Anna, now did you?"_  
_"My name isn't Anna," Cas said as he spit in the man's face, "It's Castiel."_  
_"Oh that's right, I forgot you think you're a man. Did you forget that you have a pussy down there instead of a dick like a real man?" The man punched Cas in the gut as Cas crouched into a fetal position. "Raphael, please stop. You're hurting me."_  
_"If you're a man, fight like one. I'm tired of this shit."_  
_"Raphael," Cas said as he lifted himself up, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I know I left but I couldn't do it anymore."_  
_"Do what?" Raphael said as he slapped Cas across the face, "Be my girlfriend anymore? No, you couldn't because you had to be a guy or so you say." Raphael kicked Cas back down to the ground._  
_"Stop it," Cas pleaded. "Leave me alone."_  
_"I will not let a bitch like you ruin who I am, Anna." Cas used the rest of the strength he had to slap Raphael across the face. Raphael stood there, stunned by what just happened._  
_"I told you that wasn't my name. Anna is gone. She died. You're mourning over something that will never come back."_  
_Raphael lunged for Cas. "You're finished, faggot." With every punch, Castiel screamed louder. That’s when he started his name pulsed louder and louder in his ear._

“Cas!” Cas shot up from his bed. He felt the blankets around him. It was just a nightmare, he thought as he laid back down.  
“Cas you scared me,” Gabriel said as he sighed, “I heard you screaming and I ran in. You were all over the place.”  
"I just," Castiel stopped, tears drenching his blanket, "I had a nightmare about Raphael again. He took me and hit me and..."  
"Shush," Gabriel said as he took his brother into his arms. "It'll be okay, I promise. It's just a nightmare." Cas buried his head into his brother's chest, his sobs being drowned by the shirt that caught them.  
"Cas?" Gabriel said as he lowered his brother back onto the bed. “Go back to sleep okay?”  
Cas entered the world of sleep without any thoughts of his past.

 

Dean woke up to the sounds of birds chirping out his window. He looked at the clock beside him. “Damn it,” he muttered as he jumped out of his bed. It was already half past nine. He was supposed to be at work an hour ago. Bobby was going to kill him. At least he was right next door, he thought as he ran out the door.  
“Dean,” Bobby called as Dean entered the body shop, “Is that you?”  
“Yeah,” Dean answered shyly.  
“You were supposed to be here an hour ago, boy,” Bobby yelled, “What took you so long? You are literally right next door and…”  
“I know,” Dean interrupted, “I slept in. I had a hard night.”  
“Well let’s not make a habit of this again shall we?” Bobby said as he lead Dean into the garage. “Now go clean the bathroom. I’m mad at you.”  
“Bobby, I am not here to clean the bathroo…”  
“You will do what I say.” Bobby snapped. Dean knew better than to press the matter. Bobby wasn’t a generally shining person but everyone knew to clear away when Bobby got pissed. Dean didn’t want to deal with the stress of it all.  
He headed toward the bathroom, various cleaners in his hand. This is was embarrassing, he thought. As he cleaned he thought about the previous. He still was licking his wounds on being dumped like that. Just did who Cas think he was, running like that?  
With all the anger, Dean scrubbed at each toilet till they shined. He didn’t realize how angry he was. Dean took a step back. He needed to get a grip. Cas was just a man for goodness sake. He had better in his life. Many people would throw themselves at Dean. Dean could have anyone. Maybe that is why he couldn’t stand this. Cas was the first one he couldn’t have. He would change that.  
After work, Dean headed down to Gabe’s bakery and candy shop. He knew he would find Cas there. He had to straighten this out. Dean knew what he wanted and he would about to get it.

“Why don’t you wash the dishes in the back?” Gabe said as Cas came down from the apartment. Cas didn’t expect Gabe to give him a job here. He didn’t expect anything that Gabe did.  
“Okay,” Cas said as he put an apron on. He could wash dishes. He needed to do something productive anyway. He wanted to hear Dean sing again. Even if he screwed everything up between them he still wanted that.  
Cas grew up around music. It was his passion. His parents started him on the piano at an early age. Cas was pretty good, picking it up very quickly. He had performed at many recitals and won a couple awards. That was something he was always proud of. He wished he could play again. He hadn’t touched one in three years.  
A voice interrupted his thoughts as the door of the shop opened.  
“Hey,” Oh, shit, “I need to talk to Cas.” Cas turned around to find Dean at the counter. Man, he was attractive. He was wearing a dirty white teeshirt with a pair of dark Carhartt jeans. His eyes flickered when he talked.  
“Uhh,” Gabriel said, “He is actually working at the moment.”  
“Come on Gabe,” Dean pleaded. Cas didn’t know what to do. Should he go out? Should he hide? Gabe came back into the kitchen before Cas could do anything.  
“Dean is here. You should probably go talk to him.”  
“But.” Cas stuttered.”  
“GO.” Gabe demanded, “Before I drag you out there myself.”  
“I’m going.” Cas said as he whiped his wet hands on his apron. Gabe could be a jerk at times. He was going hear about this later.  
“There you are.” Dean said as Cas walked out. “I thought I could find you here.” Cas stared at Dean, speechless. “Let’s get out of here. I need to talk to you.”  
“I can’t Dean.” Cas finding his voice, “I have to work.”  
“Gabe will survive without you for an hour at most. He has survived for the past two years.”  
“Let me ask okay?” Cas entered back into the kitchen finding Gabe standing there, hands on hips.  
“You can go.” Gabe said with slight smirk on his face.  
“But don’t you want me here?” Cas tilted his head.  
“Make this your lunch break. It’s around that time anyway.”  
“Thanks Gabe.” Cas said as he removed his apron.  
“Yeah, don’t mention it. Cas?” Cas looked at his brother.  
“Hmm?”  
“Please don’t mess it up this time.”  
“I’ll try not too.” With that Cas left the room and followed Dean out the door.

"Oh my god," Cas said as they walked toward the Impala out front. "Is that yours?  
"Sure is!" Dean said as he patted the hood of the black car. "She was a present from my parents before they passed. She is my Baby. Wanna ride in her?" Cas paused for a second. What would one car ride do?  
"I'd love to, Dean." he said as he walked over to the other side. Cas opened the door of the car, breathing in the smell of the leather. He loved old cars. Something about them seemed more special than the newer cars.  
"So Cas," Dean said as he drove out, "Why did you run last night?" Cas wasn't  
expecting him to get straight to the point. Or maybe he was. Cas didn't know what to expect.  
"I was scared." Cas said, not wanting to lie. "I'm not a one night stand kind-of guy. I'm sorry Dean."  
"I'm totally cool with that, Cas. Not everything is about sex, you know." Cas blushed.  
"I know you just moved here and are starting new." Dean said nervously, "but I like you Cas. Something about you. Well, you're interesting. Different." Cas was different alright. How could he tell Dean that though. "So let's just take things slow, okay?" Dean said, "I want to get to know you more, Cas."  
"Okay," Cas said.  
"That's it?"  
"What?" Cas didn't understand what Dean meant.  
"Nothing more? I just had this whole long speech that was uncomfortable and awkward and all I get is an okay?" Cas paused. What should he say? He wasn't used to these kind of things.  
"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm just not used to this type of stuff." So Cas was just gonna be honest with him. That should work, maybe. "I'm down with being friends."  
"Okay. Cas. Let's do that." Dean said as he parked the car back into the bakery. They just sat there for awhile not saying a word, each stuck in their thoughts.  
Cas got out of the car, waving to Dean as the Impala drove away. Cas ran his hands through his dark hair. He didn't know what to do. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach, pulsing through around and around as he thought about what just happened. Dean, with his macho and his vibrato was just like him. Dean liked him.  
Dean wanted Cas. Cas didn't know anyone could want him. Not after Raphael. He wiped the tear falling from his face. He didn't want to think of Raphael. Not right now. Cas went back into the bakery, letting the green-eyed singer take control of his brain as he went back to work.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Sammy,” Dean yelled as he opened the apartment door.

“What Dean?” Sam said as he came out of his bathroom. Sam was a big man with a large torso. He had long, shaggy, brown hair and soft eyes. He was drying his hair off with towel, obviously just coming out of the shower.

“Sammy, what do you want to do today?” Dean asked excitedly. He needed to get his mind of Cas. He hadn’t talked to him all week, ever since the confrontation. He wanted to give Cas some space. He had just moved here for goodness sakes.

“Ah Dean,” Sam stuttered, “I was going to go to the bakery today to work out some of the specifics with Gabriel. Work stuff you know.” Dean sank. He knew that Sam was Gabriel's business manager. Sam had the brains for it. He graduated with honors from Stanford, winning all sorts of awards. Sam was always the smart one in the family. Dean, well, he was good at cars and music but nothing that would ever get him anywhere.

He had worked for Gabriel himself when Gabe first came to Lawrence. He helped clean the place up to make it presentable to the public. He was actually pretty proud of it. It looked really nice.

“You could come with me, you know.” Sam said as he got some leftover pizza from the fridge. “You have the day off right?”

“Yeah,” Dean paused. He wanted to see Cas again. It had been a month  since the day at the bakery.  He could stop thinking about those blue eyes. How he tipped his head when he didn't understand something.  He wanted to see Cas. God he wanted Cas.  He just didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable like before. He didn't want to push his boundaries.

“Come with me, Dean.” Sam said, “I know how much you like the pie there. It’ll be my treat.” Dean did like the pie there. God, he loved it. Sam knew how to tempt him.

“Fine,” Dean said, “I’ll go. Just let me get more presentable, okay?”

Dean and Sam got to the bakery just after lunch hour. Sam was always sensitive about making sure he didn't there during the busiest time of the day.

"Hey Gabe," Sam said.  

"Oh, hey," Gabe stuttered as the Winchesters came to the counter. "I didn't expect you today.  What's up?"

"I was just checking up on business, " Dean heard Sam say as he went towards the kitchen.  

"Cas?"  Dean shouted,  "You here?"

"Hello Dean, " Cas said as he came out of the office.  He was dressed in a white tee-shirt covered with a tan apron and dark blue jeans.  His hair was shuffled but not too messy.  Dean had to admit,  Cas looked pretty good.

"What are you doing here?"  Cas asked as he came towards Dean.  

"It's my day off and Sam needed to go over business stuff with Gabe so I tagged along.  I wanted to see you Cas." Dean could see Cas get a couple shades redder after that.

"I wanted to see you to,  Dean. " Cas stuttered out. "I just wanted some time."

"Cas,"  Dean whispered,  "I can't stop thinking about you.  It's been a month and I haven't talked to you.  I didn't want to make you run again.  I would have come over but I'm not used to this. I'm used to one night then forget. I didn't even fuck you and I can't forget you" Dean took a step back.  "Cas,  I want to be your friend.  I want you to trust me.  Can you do that?"

 

Cas stood for a moment.  Shocked,  but happy that Dean Winchester was standing in his kitchen.  For the entire month he wanted to go and tell Dean everything.  He barely knew the guy.  He hadn't been in Lawrence for two hours and he already was googly eyed over some boy.  Cas wanted to take it slow though.  He couldn't bare to think what would happen if he scared Dean off.  Now Dean was here,  waiting for him to trust him.  Could he?  What did Cas have to lose?  His heart?  He lost that three years ago.  Nothing could fix the damage.  Could it?

"Dean." Cas said,  "I'll try."

"Good. " Dean said. "Now, here." Dean handed Cas a piece of paper.  "Meet me at the Roadhouse at Seven. See you." Before Cas could say a word,  Dean was gone. "

Cas opened the sheet of paper Dean had handed to him. Like Cas figured,  there were Dean's digits neatly written along with a note.  I'm sorry we got off the wrong foot. You are always welcome to text or call.  Dean. Cas put the number into his phone,  not knowing whether to respond to the note or not. He stood there for a couple minutes before finally giving in to the temptation before him.

Text from you/5:35 - Hey Dean,  it's Cas

Text from Dean/5:36 - So you got my message,  huh?  

Text from you/5:36 - Yeah.  I didn't want to leave you hanging.  Lol

Text from Dean/5:38 -  well I'm glad you're trying.  

Text from you/5:38 -  I'll see you tonight.  

Text from Dean/5:39 - See you,  Blue eyes.  Miss you already.

Cas blushed from head to toe.  Every time Dean said something whether electronically or not,  Cas blushed.  He should really try not be such a lightweight about him. Cas closed the shop and headed upstairs to get ready.  He had a date tonight and he wanted to look his best.  Maybe he would even be able to hear Dean sing to again.  That would be the icing on the cake.  

 

Dean walked into the Roadhouse at 6:30. He wasn't one to be late to important things.  He wanted to make sure that Cas had a good night.  He headed toward the bar.

"Hey Ellen," Dean said as he sat down.

"Hey sugar, " Ellen replied, "usual for tonight?"

Ellen was the owner of the Roadhouse along with her daughter Jo. She was like a second mother to Dean and Sam,  after their own passed along with their Dad in the house fire.  Ellen didn't come out much anymore, as she was recovering from a hip injury.  It was nice though when she was around.  She always knew how to brighten Dean's day.

"I'll have a it later, Ellen.  I am actually waiting for a date. "

Ellen's ears shot up. "A date? With who?"

Dean blushed.  "Castiel Novak."

"Oh I met him!  Gabriel brought him over once while he visited Jo. Sweet looking boy." She nudged him in the arm with her elbow.  "And very pretty."  

"Oh stop it Ellen,  you're embarrassing. " Dean smiled. "Seriously,  what am I going to do with you?"

Ellen winked "You are worse, my dear boy,  and that is why I love you."

"And I love you too." Dean said with a boyish smirk on his face. Dean waiting for Cas,  checking his phone every five minutes till it turned 7:00. Where is he, Dean thought as he drank the beer in front of him.  

"Hey Dean, " Dean jumped in his stool.

"Oh my God,  Cas. You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry Dean, " Cas took a step back. " I didn't mean too. "

"It's,"  Dean stopped.  Cas looked like he was about to cry,  his eyes starting to water.  The blue twinkling through the fluid. "Don't worry about me, Cas."  Dean said as he patted Cas's shoulder.  "Let's have some fun shall we?"

 

With every word Dean spoke, Cas could feel his stomach turn.  How did this happen?  Whenever Dean would look at Cas, he would automatically get a little red.  Cas knew what he wanted.  He just didn't know if he would get it this time.  

"So, " Dean said as he checked his phone, "It's getting pretty late. I'm gonna check in okay?"  

"Yeah, same here. " Cas said, disappointed that the evening was already over.  He hadn't had this much fun in years.  He didn't want it to end.  

"You could,"  Dean looked shyly down to his feet. "You could with walk with me to my car."

Cas stood up from his stool.  "I would like that, Dean."

  


The two men casually walked out to the parking lot, not wanting to speed up the goodbyes. Cas spotted the Impala, coincidently parked next to his yellow Beetle. Oh great, he thought, here come the insults.

“Where’s your car, Cas?” Dean said as they stood by the Impala.

“Ah,” Cas stuttered as he motioned over to the Beetle, “Mine’s that one.” Dean looked over in the direction Cas pointed.

“Oh man,” Dean looked over the car, “What year is this?”

“1957 I think,”

“You have GOT to be kidding me.” Dean said as he looked under the hood at the engine, “I love old cars. This is pretty epic, man. How did you get a hold of it?”

“Gabriel gave it to me after…” Cas stopped. Gabe gave him the car more as a joke as a graduation present. Gabriel found it at a old salvage place and told Cas if he wanted it, to fix it up and make it new.

Cas spent hours on that car, finding out the cracks and crevices of each part. It took him awhile but he got it to a drivable state. He remembered the look on Gabriel’s face when he parked it into the driveway of their parents home for the first time. When his dad came out, however, all the happiness he had drifted away. With every yell, a piece of Cas’s joy turned to bitterness and sadness from it. He only kept the car because, well, he liked it. It reminded him of a honeybee, one of his favorite animals. That is what made it special, he thought.

“I got it after graduation and fixed it up myself,” Cas replied, “Well, fixed it up more or less. I did have to take it into a mechanic eventually. I am not the greatest with cars.”

“Well,” Dean said as he closed the hood, “If you need help on it, I’ll be happy to do it for you. I’m, unlike yourself, is pretty good with cars. My dad taught me before he passed. It was our project.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your father.” Cas said.

“It was many years ago.” Dean said, obviously wanting to drop the subject. “Anyway, I probably should head out.”

“Yeah, me too.” Cas said. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted Dean at this moment more than ever. He wanted to feel his skin upon his, breathing in the scent of the man in front of him. Before Cas could even think about what he was doing, he took Dean by his coat and pinned him against the wall. With delicacy, Cas brought his lips to Dean’s, taking in the man before him. Dean grabbed Cas’s dark hair, firmly kissing him back.

With every sound Dean made, Cas pressed harder toward him. With every kiss, their hips swayed in the same movement. Dean grabbed onto Cas’s shirt, tightly gripping as he felt the heat from Cas’s lips, burning through his own.

“Car,” Dean moaned, “NOW.” Dean fumbled through his pockets, moving Cas toward the direction of the Impala. He could feel his pants get tighter, the force pulsing on the zipper. Dean wanted Cas more than ever. He took in the scent of Cas, planting kisses on his neck as he went.

“I need inside you, Cas.” Dean moaned as he opened the door the backseat of the Impala. “Don’t make me wait any longer.” Dean whispered as he brought Cas down to the seat.

Cas freaked. He knew he couldn’t tell Dean yet. He didn’t want to just surprise him either. Cas pushed Dean off of him, not knowing what else he could do.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas rushed out of the car, “I can’t.” Dean got out, anger rushing toward his face.

“What do you mean, Cas?” Dean slammed the door, “You started this. You pushed me against that wall, remember?”

“Dean, i’ll explain later. Please trust me.”

“Cas,” It was too late. Cas was already in his car and driving out before Dean could do anything to stop him.

 

All Cas could do was drive. He didn’t want to face Dean. Why couldn’t he just tell him he was trans? Was he ashamed of who he was? Every lover he had left him when they found out. They beat him up, screamed names. It took him five years to find someone new. How could he just throw that away? He couldn’t go home. Not just yet.

He parked the car along the side of the road. Closing his eyes, he fell into a broken sleep.

  


_“Anna, you can’t do this to us,” her mother said, “You can’t just change your gender.”_

_“I am who I am,” Anna cried, “I have always been this way. You knew I was different.”_

_“Anna, my darling Anna,” her mother cried as she rushed toward her. “After Gabriel left me, you were all I had left. Your good for nothing father taking my two other children from me.  Why would you do this to your mother?”_

_“Mom, please,” Anna sat down beside her,”Please accept me for who I am. I need your help. I need help through this process.” Anna’s mom stood up._

_“You’re an abomination. A disgrace. I never want to see you again.”_

_“Mom please.”_

_“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” her mother yelled, “I am not your mother. I don’t have another son. My daughter is dead. Get out of my house, stranger.”_

_“Please,” Anna pleaded, “I need you.”_

_SMACK. Anna felt the rush of pain on her face._

_“Get out of my house.”_

 

Cas woke up to a flashlight in his eyes.

“Castiel, is that you?” He saw a young woman, blonde with grey eyes looking back at him.

Cas rolled down his window.

“Yeah, it’s me. Hi Jo.”

“Castiel, where have you been? Gabriel has been pretty worried about you.” Cas blinked towards Jo, not knowing what to say to her.

“Ah, I’m sorry?”

“You should probably head back to the bakery. You have been out all night. You look horrible, what happened?” Cas looked at his face in the mirror in front of him. She was right, he did look awful.

“Ah, my date didn’t go so well.”

“You were on a date?” Jo stared at Cas, the worry draining from her face. “With who?”

“Dean Winchester.”

“Oh no,” Jo fixed Cas’s hair with her hand, “What happened?” Jo would understand. She was the only person who knew besides Gabriel in this town. Cas liked her. She tamed Gabriel down when he got too wild which was a lot in Gabriel's case.

Jo came around to the passengers side of the Beetle.  

"Now, start from the beginning." Jo said as she closed the door.  

Cas told her everything since he came to Lawrence.  He hadn't talked to anyone about how he felt.  He was used to keeping everything to himself. Being alone for five years does that to a person.

"Cas you have got to go apologize. " Jo said as Cas finished."I know how you are feeling but Dean doesn't.  He is probably pretty pissed.  I mean,  I would be too."

" I don't know how to, Jo." Cas said as he turned the ignition of the car. "I'm actually quite terrified."

"Don't do it tonight." Jo said as she got out of the car and into her own.  "Think about it.  I know you like him and I know what you have been through."

"Thanks Jo. I needed this."

"Cas?" Jo said as Cas was rolling up his window.

"Yes?"

"Dean isn't Raphael remember that." Jo drove off leaving Cas alone to his thoughts.

Cas drove toward the bakery,  regretting the sermon he was going to receive from Gabriel. He didn't want to disappoint him again.  Not after what Gabriel did for him. Cas knew Gabriel felt uncomfortable with this.  Gabriel wasn't typically the serious, melancholy person who dealt with people problems.  He was usually the person causing them.  

Cas laughed as he thought about Gabriel and him growing up.  When their parents separated, Gabriel and Cas went to their mother while their siblings,  Michael and Lucy, went to their father.

Gabriel teased him a lot,  some of the jokes he pulled being pretty genius.  What Cas did remember that even though Gabriel wasn't around a lot, when he was he was good to him.  Tried to be his friend.  

Cas opened the door to the apartment, expecting some sort of ordeal. Instead all Cas found was a note on the table.  Jo called and told me she found you.  I'm at her place.  I'll call tomorrow.  Gabe

Cas was relieved by this.  He needed sleep after this.  He planned on telling Dean about himself.  He just needed time to find the right words.  

As Cas laid his head on the pillow,  he thought about how Dean had kissed him back.  It was so firm but gentle at the same time.  How could someone find their way into Cas's heart like this.  He didn't know but what he did know is that he didn't want to give up Dean.  He was tired of running away from his fears. He was ready to move on.  


End file.
